Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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