tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
