Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
