he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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