I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
