He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
