My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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