You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't deserve a penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
