we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
