we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
