Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
