I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
