Sry I called you an 8
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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