You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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