Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
