i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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