therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
