Do you still have your period?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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