i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
