did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
