It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize