dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
