mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
