i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
