put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
two words: eviction party
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
