but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
