Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
