That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
