I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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