I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
