Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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