I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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