And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
