I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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