I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
