I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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