The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
