Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
