On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
