My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
