He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
