Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
