allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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