he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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