I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
