I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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