I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
