i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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