My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
