I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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