And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
