YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
