Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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