ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
