i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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