I am spending my child support on dildos
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
