I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and you said cock pushups were impossible
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
