hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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