what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
