Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm really busy with my period
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